The quiet of some rooms can be heavier than others. For a young student in a classroom giving a critical presentation, for example, or for someone delivering bad news, there’s certainly a looming pressure. For those attending counseling, therapy or psychiatric treatment for the first time, that pressure can feel like a mountain.
To have a stranger help lift away even just a stone of it, for many, is a long-deserved landslide of relief. The men attending Churchill School’s ‘Dude, are you okay?’ discussions on Wednesday nights are there to do exactly that.
Boston Colton, who volunteers to host the sessions, hopes to bring his professional and personal experience to every meeting.
“I’ve been a resident of Baker City for my entire life, which has played a big part in forming my attachment and care for the community,” Colton said. “My journey into mental health service really began with my own struggles, and how hard it was for me to feel like I could open up about depression and anxiety when I was younger.”
Colton said that while attending Eastern Oregon University he came across Frank Ostaseski’s book “The Five Invitations,” and for him it marked a turning point.
“The author is a renowned end-of-life specialist, and I started to see how important mental health care beyond clinics and therapist offices was, because it’s in those quietest moments that we really tend to suffer the most,” he said. “I think a lot of men have negative experiences with therapy and mental health because of the environments they were raised in, which in the worst cases involve a complete disregard of feelings and emotions.”
Colton said his goal with the group that meets weekly at Churchill is to continue the event year-round.
“I’ve made it clear to those that have shown interest that, unless there’s a sudden apocalypse, they can count on the group being available each week,” he said. “I have been incredibly fortunate to have the support of New Directions Northwest and Churchill School in implementing it and getting it all put together. The most important aspect of the group is that it’s ran with lived experience in mind.”
Among Baker County’s male population are hundreds of military veterans, as well as survivors of other trauma such as losing family members.
With the open-door sessions each Wednesday, Colton hopes anyone struggling with their own mind’s well-being can feel welcome.
“The services that we have in town are a major boon for mental health overall,” he said. “Negative attitudes and stereotypes of those who suffer from homelessness and addiction are still rampant in our community, and it feeds into the toxic mindset that if you can’t help yourself, you don’t deserve help at all, which just isn’t true.
“There still exists a cultural notion that you have to be strong always, you can’t show weakness, and it’s these kind of ideas that drive a lot of men to suicide.”
Attending the meetings in person, Colton said he offers to start every session with some of his own perspectives in hopes others can contribute in kind.
“Lived experience really is the most important aspect of leading the group, and that’s why I always start the conversation with my own experiences,” he said. “I spent most of my teenage years miserable, putting on a mask because I didn’t want those around me to worry about me.
“That’s why the group is formed around speaking voluntarily and only sharing as much as you feel comfortable with, because I want the men in the group to ease themselves into the idea of talking about how they feel and being able to open up genuinely with their peers. We also tackle each week with a different topic and make sure each person could share if they chose to.”
For now the group focuses on discussion, but Colton also hopes it can expand.
“I think that when a more consistent core group forms, we can start to talk about ways we want to expand our self care to projects around the community, and how that can help us develop self-worth if we see that we have a positive impact on the environment around us,” he said. “It is an idea that I had when first creating the group and is something that I think would be beneficial to a lot of the guys that join.”
‘Dude, are you okay?’ meetings are planned for every Wednesday from 6-7 p.m. at Churchill School, 3451 Broadway St. for men 18 years and older, due to the sometimes mature topics that may be addressed. If you have questions or are interested in attending, feel free to contact Colton via email: [email protected].
